Not made of money

Student: Teachers make a lot of money.

Me: They do?

Student: Ya, my mom said teachers make more then 300 dollars.

Me: Yes, that is true.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Student K: I want to be a model or a heart surgeon.

Me: Why can't you do both?

Student K: ... My Beeper... I can't wear it and model.

New School Year. 6th Grade.

So I have left my first grade teaching position behind, to give sixth grade English/Language Arts a try. So far, so hysterical. I teach at a diverse school (about 60% hispanic, 20% African American and 20% Caucasian). I have 2 sections of boys and 1 section of girls.

Day one assignment: Write an interesting fact about yourself.

P: I am good Looking!!!

A: I know how to catch corockadiles.

E: I liek bog and cat

M: if I get mad i will hit the one who got me mad [The i's were dotted with hearts]

B: I love Justin Bieber and DJ Blend, I also love long hair, I love dancing and singing, I love being crazy and hang out with my friends, I love hobos, I love tripping over my shoes and then call my mom cheap.

J: When I grow up I want to be like Selena Gomez. People know me as 'Fluffy'. I also like to write stories and get straight A's.

P: Before I go party I have to look cute and pretty.

N: I want to be the first person to discover what dark matter is. I also know a lot adout spaces. more then thing els.

Only 7 more days left...

Student: I only like a little bit of colors.

Me: Oh, which ones do you like?

Student: All the colors in the whole wide world.

Student 2: My birthday is soon!

Me: Oh, when is your birthday?

Student 2: November 8th!!!!!

Student 3: My sister is having a birthday on October the oneth

Me: October what?

Student: October the oneth.

Me: Oh, October FIRST...how exciting!

Writing Prompt of the day: Which superpower would you most like to have? Describe what you would do with your powers.

Student D:

If I had a favorite super power that I can do it would be shooting webs out my hands. Because I can tie my mommy and my sister up. Because I can tie my teacher up and then we can go to lunch. And so I can tie up my stuff when I am moving. And when I'm moving to M's house because I know where he lives at. So i can grab on to a web and go to Texas baby! And spiders will think that I am spider man. And so when I ask J to play tag with me my web will grab on to tree and she won't catch me. That's why I want the super power of shooting a web out of my hand.

Student K:

If I had a superpower I would have cake power. This is what I want because I can make a cake for my mom and dad. I can make T a cake and my friends and grandma a cake. I won't make the evil witch a cake. I can get a cake for you. That is why I want cake power.

Student S:

If I had superpowers it would be ice powers. Because if my food was really really hot I would use my ice powers to cool it down. It is the best because sometimes stuff is hot. I am only using ice power for emergcy. Thats why super powers are fun. I really want ice powers.

Student A:

If I would have a super power I would be super smart. I will have a race with Ms. Major and get finished in first place on math. And I would do a big paper of adding and taking away and I will get really super smart. I can help people who do not no how to spell a word. That's why I want to be super smart.

Do you think a monkey would make a good pet?

Student Responses for a persuasive essay on monkeys making good pets or not.

Student D:

A monkey would not make a good pet. A monkey would not make a good pet because there crazy, ruff, and wild. A monkey would not make a good pet because theyl mess up the house and your mom would think that you had a party and you messed the house up. There mean too. Theyl slap you and your mother. They might follow you to school and break the rules. That's why a monkey would not make a good pet.

Student A:

I think a monkey will be a great pet because it will do my homework and it will do what my mom tells me to do. And I can put the monkey in some close (clothes) and some makeup. I can put some nail, eye lashes and earring on the monkey too. It can play hide and go see with me and then we will play apple sticks and it can be my best friend.

Student J:

I think a monkey would make a great pet because it will help my mommy wash the dishes. And help me with my homework. And be nice to my friends. And buy me a phone. And i love pets because they are cute and lovely. And I can teach them how to do tricks. And I can hug it and kiss it and love it. And I will teach my monkey how to eat food and it can love me. Thats why a monkey would make a good pet.

Student T:

I think a monkey would make a great pet! Because it will let me lay on it like a pillow. Then it will do my homework whyle I'm playing my game. Then it will carry me to my room. Then when my mom tells to do to something he can do it. Then we can play cops. Then it will make a good wild pet.

BF/GF

Me: Do you have a girlfriend?

Student: Yes.

Me: Who is it?

Student: Its personal.

....

Me: Is it K?

Student: No, she's too short.

Me: Is it T?

Student: No, she's too tall. She's out of my league.

7 year olds with cell phones

Today's writing prompt: write a persuasive essay telling your mom why she needs to buy you a cell phone.

Student: I already have a cell phone!

Me: Okay, then don't you want an iphone... write about that!

Funniest response:

Mom. Can you get me a iPhone? Because if I get lost in the wildnest (wilderness*) I'll get gobbled up by a 50 pound tiger. Then when you try to call me you will know that I don't have a phone and poof you are going to have to take me to the emergency room. Then I will be in a wheal chair. Then you will have to help me in the bus. Then you will be in a wheal chair too. That is why I need a phone so I can call you before the tiger comes and gets me.

P.S. Or I can use it to call the pizza man when I am hungry.

Apology Letters

After another teacher took my kids to PE and reported that they were misbehaving. We had to write apology letters to her.... Here are the best/funniest. I clearly taught them that when you hurt people's feelings it is nice to give them a compliment.

Dear Ms. S.

I am sorry about talking. That will never happen again. We just acted like prekas (Pre-K*). I really sorry we do not no how to behave and we didn't no better and we didn't no how to line up and we will do better next time. We no you love chinlden in your hart. We promiss will do things for you to make a smile. We love you so much. Your the best teacher. PS you look so pretty and cute.

Dear Ms. S.

I am so so sary every bidy rooind (ruined) your day. I no you are so angry. I no you are sad or angy. I was being good, Ms. S I swer. But I no they are going to be better tomareroe. And I hope you do not got to rase your voice. And by the way I like you flipflops and hair and your toenels.

Dear Ms. S.

I'm sorry that I wasn't doing what I suposte to do. And follow the rules. And not respect the learning inviroinment. I dont know what to do. I am so very sorry. I don't be very good like S and J and also T. I'm very distspectful. I'm very sorry for dong this. Your hair is cute. And i love to hug you pretty teacher. I love to say nice things to people. I'm just kidding. I'm not bad. I'm a wonderful student to Ms. Major. I'm so wonderful thats why I was so good at your class.

Dear Ms. S.

I made a mstake I did not mean to make kids fall and I am sorry I like your heir! Sorry I rote how you cannot read my riting. PS Being yelled at herts my filings Ms. Major!

Dear Ms. S

I'm sorry that I was acking like a wild monkey and I'm going to ack better tommrow. If i don't just call my mom. But if she doesn't answer the phone, just tell her when I get out of school and if I get chekced out. But if I do a good job I will probly get payed when I'm 26. I'll probly take you out to eat. But you realy had pretty shoes and jaket and your lovely hair. Love your buddy.

April Fool's on April 15th

My student walks into my room this morning:

Student: Today is May.

Me: What?

Student: April Fools! (Runs out of the classroom)

Later that day... Same student comes up to me.

Student: Today is my mom's birthday.

Me: Thats cool, do you want a piece of paper to make her a birthday card?

Student: April Fools!

Our Version of Toy Story

When asked to write a story about what your toys did when you went to school.... written exactly as the student wrote.

It's Funny

One day I went to school and my toys came to life. My wrestling man put on a wig and whipped his fake hair back and forth. And my toy car drank some of my juice. And my toy robot walked into the bathroom and did his bisniss. And my toy ninga fliped and danced. And they knowed thet I get out at five oclock. So they hurryed up and in got to there places. Before the robot toy got in his place he danced like a chickan. When I got home I never knowed they played. The robot is crazy!

A Family Poem

"My eyes are blue. My skin is brown.

My nails are yellow. My shoes are pink.

The flowers smell sweet."

-C

About Bullying...

Student: You should never say anything mean on YouTube.

Student 2: Bullying makes me cry and not tears of joy.

Japan

So in Social Studies today, we discussed the earthquake in Japan and tsunami in California.

Student: Well the people that lost their homes can come live in me.

Student 2: Can we go over to Japan and build them houses?

Student 3: Yeah, why can't we just send workers from Memphis to go help them? I bet they might do it for free?

Student: Wait, the tsunami hit California? Is your brother's house okay?

Student 2: Does he need to come live with me?

Me: He is fine, the tsunami didn't hit the town he lives in.

Student 3: What is his house made of?

Student 4: How does water knock down a house?

Post Spring Break Tan

Student: Ms. Major, you're almost my color!

Student: You look like Miley Stuart (Miley Cyrus)

Me: That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.

Student Ms. Major, can we be sisters? I don't care what color you are.

Cappacinos

In math today, one assignment was to draw the time you like to do something then write a sentence about it.

My favorite one: At 6:00 a.m. I like to dreank capacheanos (drink cappuccinos).

Favorite spelling that came out of our writing prompt today: myouzick (music).

Delightful, its Justin Boober!

Me: A new vocabulary word is delightful, can anyone use it in a sentence?

Student: Delightful, I'm drinking at cup of tea.

Student: My mom says if I get murdered I can't come to school anymore.

In math I was trying to make a word problem more interesting by using the Justin Beiber movie in it.... I accidently said:

Me: So I went to the Justin Boober movie at 2:00.

Class, myself included: Erupts in laughter.

Student: Look Ms. Major is crying!

It was just such a funny slip I couldn't maintain my composure.

Valentine's Day

Student: Ms. Major is Justin Beiber your Valentine?

Me: What is a word that rhymes with moan.

Student: Cologne!

Student: Ms. Major you look like a mom.

Student 2: No, Ms. Major you look like a teenager.

Reading a story about a boy who is happy....

Me: How do you think the boy felt?

Student: He was probably crying, tears of joy!

Laughing out loud in class

Student 1: Ms. major, if you wash your hair everyday, why doesn't it get nappy?

The Animal: Ms. Major, I was watching Criminal Minds last night ... (continues to recap entire episode)

Our P.E. coach has also been fired, so for the past week I have been being Coach Major... nothing makes me laugh more then watching the little 6 & 7 year old boys run laps around the basketball court.

Student: Coach Major, why are you laughing so much at us today?

Jail-house Rock

I put on the music video for Elvis's Jail-House Rock.

Student: He dances just like Michael Jackson.

Me: Elvis was before Michael Jackson's time.

Student: Wow, Michael Jackson learned to dance from Elvis, thats cool.

Later in the day...

Student 2: Can we listen to some Elvis?

Different part of the day:

Student: My dad got out of jail today, but he was really stinky from the jail clothes.

Me: mhmm.

Student: But thats what you get for selling dope.

Me: mhmm.

Memphis History

We talked about Elvis today in social studies. I put a picture of Elvis on the smart board and asked if anyone knew who it was.

Student: Is that your dad?

Me: No, this is Elvis, a famous musician that lived right here in Memphis.

Student 2: Is Elvis famous like your daddy is famous?

Wall Licker

I have a student who is undiagnosed autistic (He also licks the wall). He always wants to answer my question of what day of the week it is, what day is tomorrow going to be, what day was yesterday and what month is it... his answer is always Monday. So on Monday I called on him knowing he was going to get it right....

Me: What day of the week is is?

Wall Licker: Monday!

Student 2: Hey Ms. Major, he finally got it right!

Wall Licker: I saw Mars on Mickey Mouse Club.

Me: *giggle*

Student 3: Ms. Major, why you always be laughing at everything [wall licker] says?

Writing

Ms. Major: "Why is being able to write important?"

Student1: "One day we will want to text our friends!"

Student 2: "And have a facebook!"

Student writing samples:

Prompt: Now you are in first grade. Tell about things you do now.

Response 1: First my name is _________ Jr. Now the story! I was learning. Great stuff. And was reading chapter books! And i was crying.

Response 2: Now Im a big boy. I no how to do math and rite sintnses (sentences). I like to lrn. (learn)

Response 3: I no how two eat marshmallows. I no how to be cool. I no how to do a read.

Response 4: A thing I do now is use school glue.

Poetry: Write a poem about the sun.

Poem 1: I love the sun / the sunshine / the sunshine is good / the sunshine is swete (sweet) / my mom had to put it up

Poem 2: The sun shines on a beautiful day / it shines on me / I love it / I want it to shine on me all time

Poem 3: The sun shines in my eyes / the sun is hot / the sun hurts my mom eyes / the sun hurts my eyes / the sun loves me

*Poem 4: God made everything / even the sun. / It is the brighttis (brightest) of the youniverse (universe). / Or mars / The sun looks like a star. / Matter a vaced (matter of fact) it is a star! / No avence (offense) but it is ugly. / Cuz the sun is pontee (pointy) everywhere. / It will burn your mouth

Poem 5: The sun is hot. / She is a star./ The sun eats the sky / The sun is a pointy square. / She is yellow. / The sun have a uther (another) side / The moon.

Poem 6: The sun is an old friend with the moon. / He is a star. / He shines like a star. / I wish I cud (could) go to space to see the sun / and see all the planets.

*Poem 7 : I want to eat the sun. / I think the sun will taste hot / really really hot. / It will burn your mouf (mouth) / I will go to the refrigerator to get a drink